DISCOVER YOUR BOUNDARIES

Setting healthy boundaries is essential for our well-being and positive relationships. But did you know that art-making can be a powerful tool to explore and assess your boundary-setting abilities? Through creative expression, you can gain valuable insights into your personal boundaries, visualize them, and make adjustments as needed. Let's embark on this artistic journey together and discover how art can help you understand and strengthen your boundaries.

We can use the art to consider and then make necessary changes within our relationships. For example, if we identify areas where our boundaries need adjustment, we can use art to explore these changes. We can redraw boundaries, add boundaries, or create completely new pieces that represent the boundaries we want to establish. Visualizing and internalizing the changes we need to make then leads to deciding how to move forward and bring these changes into reality.

Of course, if it were that easy none of us would have trouble setting boundaries! We have to factor in how other people will react to our boundary-setting and then decide how we will respond to that. One of the most important lessons that I have learned is that the only thing that I can control is my own reaction and if others push back on my boundaries, then I get to decide how to move forward within that relationship.

We also have to remember that if we want others to respect our boundaries, we have to respect theirs, even if we don’t like or agree with them! Within a loving relationship, each party needs to feel respected, seen and loved. That sometimes means allowing our boundaries to be flexible depending on the situation. That being said, being too flexible rarely works because then we can feel that we are always ‘giving in’ to others which doesn't create healthy relationships and will affect us negatively. Balance is always key here and it means that both parties have to work together to maintain the relationship. If we love someone, it’s worth teaching and modelling boundary-setting so that we can keep them in our lives.

Effective boundary-setting is often something that many of us didn’t really learn as we grew up. If our family didn't model healthy boundaries, we might struggle to recognize or implement them. For example, if our family was overly enmeshed, we might feel guilty or selfish for setting limits. Some families emphasize loyalty and self-sacrifice, making it hard to prioritize personal needs without feeling like we're betraying our family. Family dynamics involving neglect, abuse, or other traumas can create confusion about what healthy boundaries look like or whether we're even entitled to them. If expressing needs or setting boundaries led to conflict or punishment in our family, we might avoid doing so as an adult to maintain peace. Understanding these influences can be the first step toward breaking unhealthy patterns and establishing boundaries that serve our well-being.

If someone consistently refuses to be respectful of our boundaries, then we get to decide how often we see them or if we want to see them at all. This, of course, is never an easy decision and may bring feelings of guilt and grief. Working with a therapist is highly recommended in this case as well as reminding yourself that you are worth fighting for!

Art Directive: Creating Your Boundary Map

In this exercise, I invite you to visually represent your personal boundaries using symbolic imagery and metaphors.

Materials Needed:

• Paper or canvas

• Colored pencils, markers, or paints

• Collage materials (magazines, scissors, glue)

Instructions:

1. Prepare Your Space:

·       Find a comfortable and quiet place to work.

·       Gather all your materials and set them out in front of you.

2. Centre Yourself:

·       Take a few moments to focus on your breath, following its natural rhythm, and allow yourself to be fully present in this moment.

3. Visualize Your Boundary Map:

·       Picture yourself standing at the entrance of a map that represents your personal landscape—a map you have lovingly and thoughtfully created.

·       Imagine this map as a serene and safe place, vibrant with symbols and colors that represent you. This is your world, your space, with your boundaries.

4. Create Your Boundary Map:

·       Welcoming Path: Start by drawing a path that represents your personal limits. Use symbols like fences, walls, hedges, or force-fields to depict your boundaries. Notice their texture, colour, and how it feels to see them here.

·       Inner Sanctum: Draw the inner sanctum, the space that represents your closest relationships. This area should feel open and warm. It could be a flower garden, a bench with a fountain, a big dining table, or a house with a walled garden. Include symbols that represent the people you trust and hold dear.

·       Acquaintances Zone: Next, draw the zone for acquaintances, colleagues, or extended relationships. Use symbols like gates or energetic shields to show firm but flexible boundaries. Feel the empowerment that comes from deciding how to engage with this zone.

·       Outer Limits: Finally, draw the outer edges of the map, representing the limits for strangers or individuals who don’t have access to your deeper layers. Use strong symbols like tall walls or high mountains to depict these boundaries. Feel the strength and confidence in setting these limits.

5. Reflect on Your Artwork: Consider the following questions as you create:

·       What colors and shapes represent your boundaries?

·       How do you depict the space between yourself and others?

·       Are your boundaries rigid, flexible, or somewhere in between?

·       Take a moment to look over your entire map. See how every marker and detail represent your unique needs and values.

·       Ask yourself: What does this piece say about my current boundaries?

·       Are there areas where my boundaries are too loose or too tight?

·       How do I feel about the boundaries I’ve depicted?

6. Optional: Add More Details:

·       Incorporate additional symbols or materials to enhance your map. Use collage elements to represent different people or groups.

·       Place these symbols on your map to visualize how you interact with others and where your boundaries lie.

7. Conclusion: 

·       Free write on your experience with this exercise and create a to-do list of changes that you want/need to make and how you’re going to do it.

Always remember that this can be a huge and challenging learning curve, so be compassionate with yourself as you work through the changes that you are making.